Put the shovel down. Back away slowly.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Ever have one of those days? One of those days where you wake up wondering what the hell you're doing with your life? Ya, me neither...

OK, today was one of those days. A doubt-filled day. A second guess everything kind of day. A grab the shovel and dig it all up kind of day.

Thoughts like, "what have I done?!" "I can't do this" "grow all of our own food I says, it'll be fun I says" "this will never work" "I'm one person, this is too much" "nothing is working" "what in the world was I thinking" "Idaho? What am I doing in Idaho?" "I've lost my damned mind" "what am I doing with my life?!" "I can't, I can't, I can't"...have been circling through my head.

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling defeated. I'm doubting.

I keep focusing on the negatives. Things like... Hubby is working a lot. We're not done planting what really should have been planted a week ago. I'm falling behind on basic stuff like keeping the lawn mowed and dishes done. We don't have the budget we really need for things like dog-proofing fence to keep the animals safe and proper irrigation equipment. Not to mention a tractor. Shh, don't mention a tractor.

It's just been a constant stream of doubt and negativity strolling through my head today!

What the what?

I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm turning 40 soon. 40 doesn't bother me really, but I guess I'm not where I thought I'd be.

Also, I'm struggling with my writing a lot lately. Everything seems off. Nothing comes out the way I feel it. 

OK, time to check myself.

Dear Self,

Yes, you can in fact do this. Yes, you are one person, but this is everything you've dreamed of, planned for, and put everything on. You cannot blow it with doubt and negativity. You are where you are meant to be. You are doing what you are meant to be doing. Ditch the negative nonsense. Expect the positive. Have faith. You got this. 


Nice farmer's tan.

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